To Those Struggling With The Thanksgiving Table This Year
If you are reading this, we are so proud of you for stopping by and being brave enough to hear what we have to say. Healing from an eating disorder is one of the bravest things you will ever do. We are so sorry that you have to do this work, but we are so so proud of you for choosing to do this work towards food and body freedom.
Those around you may approach Thanksgiving with excitement and a side of diet culture, while you are feeling uncomfortable, uncertain and anxious. It is so important for you to acknowledge not all are going to understand and few will know what it is like to walk through the holidays while in recovery. We definitely do not have a magic fix, but we hope to provide some tangible skills and a whole lot of encouragement for you to hold onto while sitting around the Thanksgiving table this year.
Utilize Your Skills
“What skills do we have that we can use for this?” says your dietitian as she sits across from you in the nutrition session leading up to Thanksgiving. We are hoping to instill confidence in you that you ARE capable of navigating this!
Maybe you are not sitting across from a dietitian right now in your journey, and that’s okay, too. We are always here If you choose to come to this space. Wherever you are in your journey right now, we want to remind you that skills are so valuable to use and you are so much more capable than maybe you think!
Use Those Distractive Coping Skills: Who says Thanksgiving has to be just about the food? Yes, we want you to have freedom to enjoy the festive dish, but the day is about so much more than just the food.
Find a pal to play a card game with.
Watch a hallmark Christmas movie because we all know it is that time of year…
Watch the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day parade.
Go for a walk with your dog (if helpful!).
Wear comfortable clothing.
Do something creative (e.g. painting, friendship bracelet-making, knitting).
Take a break if needed: It is okay to need a break from the people around you. Consider taking a minute to take some deep breaths outside, walk around the block and focus on your feet hitting the pavement to ground yourself, splash some cold water on your face in the bathroom to reset that activated nervous system. It is okay to need a minute. Remember to breathe.
Find Your Support
First, we want you to remember that you do not have to do this alone. Eating disorders are soooo sneaky, in which they try to convince you of things that are not true. They thrive on isolating you from any and all support. However, this doesn't have to be your story! Finding support can look like a lot of different things, but first and foremost we want you to remember that you are so so worthy of support.
You may have someone who can be direct support for you at the table. If you feel comfortable with sharing it can be such an empowering experience to let a loved one know ahead of time how hard this day may be for you. We encourage you to share tangible ways in which the person next to you can support you. Is it just enough for them to know and shoot you a look of support during the meal? Do you want to communicate how a supporter can shift conversation if diet culture makes an appearance? Communicate ahead of time to someone who feels safe for you.
We want to acknowledge that support within itself is a privilege. This year it may not be right next to you, and that’s okay too. What would it look like for you to have someone you can send a text message to if you need some reassurance? Or could you tell a friend or loved one that you want them to send you funny memes throughout the day? (Or the latest Taylor Swift lore? Absolutely!). The point here is that you do not have to cope with Thanksgiving on your own. A support team does not necessarily have to be sitting next to you.
Also, it could be valuable to consider an extra session with your dietitian or therapist, or support group around this time. These are the cheerleaders who are going to be in it with you and know you well. We encourage you to reach out to those on your team.
We are all here to support you!
Nourish Your Body
Diet culture can build up this meal to something that it is not. It is ONE meal in your day. Yes, we hope that there can be sweet moments you get to experience with those you choose to be with, but ultimately, it is one meal of sooooooo many you have already had. We want to be the first to remind you that you have had a meal before, and you can do this one!
Let’s be real though. That diet chatter is going to try to weave its way into your head. We are going to challenge some of those comments and empower you to continue to nourish yourself regularly and adequately throughout Thanksgiving (and everyday after).
“I’m not going to eat throughout the day so I’m hungry for dinner”
Nope. That is not how that works. Your body does not say, “oh! It’s thanksgiving! We better prepare for that!” Your hunger and fullness cues are not going to miraculously change because the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day parade is on your TV. It is so critical to nourish yourself just as you would any other day.
- Yes, eat breakfast.
⁃ Yes, have snacks.
⁃ Yes, you might need to eat again after the meal (everyone’s Thanksgiving meal happens at a different time!)
We want to remind you that restriction is one of the biggest triggers for bingeing. If you make specific food off limits you are going to want that food even more. Humans want what they cannot have - it’s just how we operate. If you go throughout your day saying you are not going to eat you will inevitably think about food MORE. Ultimately, we want to empower you to continue to nourish your body on this day as you would any other day.
“I’ve been so good so I can have an extra dessert.”
Food is not a moral issue. Period.
Food is made up of different macro- and micronutrients that sustain our bodies every single day. The carbohydrates, sugars, fiber, etc. We need all of it. Our bodies are so smart and take exactly what they need from the nourishment we provide it. Let’s challenge when you may feel the need to attach morality to food choices on this day (or any other day!). Eating pumpkin pie or sweet potato casserole does not make you a good or bad person. Abstaining from eating some more macaroni and cheese because it sounds good does not make you superior. Honestly, it’s going to make you hungrier.
Protect Your Recovery
We want to empower you to protect your recovery. You are doing such hard work and sometimes this hard work means setting boundaries, leaving early, and choosing to be vulnerable with your safe people.
You may need to set boundaries and be prepared to respond when those boundaries are pushed. It is okay to say things like, “I don’t want to talk about that right now,” or, “Please do not comment on my plate.” You have a right to feel safe and supported in your space. We also know saying these things out loud can be HARD. You may not be ready for that yet and that is okay. Sometimes it could be helpful to redirect the conversation, ignore the comment and talk about something else. There are so many other more interesting things that you can talk about at the Thanksgiving table than how much food we are or aren't eating or our bodies. Also, this is where a confidant can be helpful in redirecting the conversation. You both can tag-team to shift the conversation to something more fun.
It is also okay if you need to protect your time.
It is okay if this holiday is hard. It is not going to be perfect, nor can we have the expectation that it will be. We cannot prepare for everything, but we can show up authentically and know that the team at Renshaw Nutrition is here to support you!
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If you felt like this blog was written for YOU, it’s because it was! At the end of the day working with a registered dietitian isn’t just about navigating holidays such as Thanksgiving, it’s about finding meaningful and consistent support to get you to a place of full and lasting recovery in your relationship with food. Together, we can ensure you feel supported every step of the way.
If you have any questions or would like to know more about what it looks like to work with a dietitian to improve your relationship with food, please reach out to us here at Renshaw Nutrition! You can apply to work with our team, or follow us on Instagram for the latest updates and to know when new blogs are shared!
This blog was authored by Emily Ervin, MA, LMHC and Meredith Renshaw, RD, LDN.